<html><head><title>New element discovered by Potters Bar scientists</title></head>
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<center><h3>New element discovered by Potters Bar scientists</h3></center>
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The heaviest element known to man was recently discovered by Potters Bar 
scientists. The element, tentatively named Administratum, has no protons or 
electrons, and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 
neutron, 3 assistant neutrons, 9 vice-neutrons and 257 assistant vice-
neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 270. These particles are held 
together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like 
particles called morons.
<p>
Since it has no electrons, Administratum is inert. However, it can be 
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes into contact 
with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratum caused 
one reaction to take over four wweeks to complete when it would normally 
have occurred in less than two hours. Administratum has a normal half life 
of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but 
instead undergoes a reorganisation in which the vice neutrons and assistant 
neutrons change places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass 
actually increases after each reorganisation.
<p>
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratum occurs 
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such 
as colleges of technology, universities and government departments. 
<p>
Scientists point out that Administratum is known to be toxic at any level 
of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is 
allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to find out how the 
concentration of Administratum can be reduced to prevent irreversible damage, 
but results to date are mixed.
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