{fon:homFF5599}
PD Textfiles
{fon:tri}

  The following article is made up of snippits from various PD
textfiles, where possible the Author has been credited, the disc
numbers have also been included so that you can get the full versions
of the text files.

{spr:l00}

Name: Programmers 
Author: Unknown
Disc no.: APDL, B220

"All programmers are optimists.  Perhaps this modern sorcery
especially attracts those who believe in happy endings and fairy
godmothers. Perhaps  the hundreds of nitty frustrations drive away
all but those who habitually  focus on the end goal.  Perhaps it is
merely that computers are young,  programmers are younger, and the
young are always optimists. But however the selection process works,
the result is indisputable: 'This time it will  surely run,' or 'I
just found the last bug.'"
   Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month

"Computers are the most fun you can have with anything that isn't
breathing."
   Bruce Walker, CACM Forum

"Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy."
   Joseph Campbell

"First learn computer science and all the theory. Next develop a
programming  style. Then forget all that and just hack."
   George Carrette [1990]


"Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more
'user-friendly'... Their best approach, so far, has been to take all
the old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-friendly' on the
cover."
   Bill Gates, Pres., Microsoft, Inc.

PROGRAMMER: (n)  Red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of
conversing with inanimate objects.

Name: Real Programmers Don't Eat Quiche
Author: Unknown
Disc no.: APDL, B219

-Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write,
it should be hard to understand and harder to modify.
-Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for simpletons
who can't read listings or the object code from the dump.
-Real Programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference manual
is the hallmark of the novice and the coward.
-Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time. But if
you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working order
in "only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions.
-Real Programmers don't believe in schedules. Planners make up
schedules. Managers "firm up" schedules. Frightened coders strive to
meet schedules. Real Programmers ignore schedules. (AMEN!)
-Real Programmers don't bring brown bag lunches. If the vending
machine sells it, they eat it. If the vending machine doesn't sell
it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.

Name: UNIX Hoax
Author: Bernard L. Hayes
Disc no.: APDL, B219

CREATORS ADMIT UNIX, C HOAX

In an announcement that has stunned the computer industry, Ken
Thompson,  Dennis Ritchie and Brian Kernighan admitted that the Unix
operating system  and C programming language created by them is an
elaborate April Fools prank kept alive for over 20 years. 
"for(;P("\n"),R-;P("|"))for(e=C;e-;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("|
"+(*u/4)%2); To  think that modern programmers would try to use a
language that allowed such  a statement was beyond our comprehension! 
We actually thought of selling  this to the Soviets to set their
computer science progress back 20 or more  years. Imagine our
surprise when AT&T and other US corporations actually  began trying
to use Unix and C!  It has taken them 20 years to develop  enough
expertise to generate even marginally useful applications using this 
1960's technological parody, but we are impressed with the tenacity
(if not  common sense) of the general Unix and C programmer.  In any
event, Brian,  Dennis and I have been working exclusively in Pascal
on the Apple Macintosh  for the past few years and feel really guilty
about the chaos, confusion and truly bad programming that have
resulted from our silly prank so long ago."

{end}
