The Florentine Camp.
 Enter the TWO LORDS DUMAINE, and two or three SOLDIERS.

1st Dumaine	You have not given him his mother's letter?

2nd Dumaine	I have delivered it an hour since. There is something in't 
	that stings his nature, for on the reading it he changed 
	almost into another man.

1st Dumaine	He has much worthy blame laid upon him for shaking off so 
	good a wife and so sweet a lady.

2nd Dumaine	Especially he hath incurred the everlasting displeasure of 
	the king, who had even tuned his bounty to sing happiness 
	to him. I will tell you a thing, but you shall let it dwell 
	darkly with you.

1st Dumaine	When you have spoken it 'tis dead, and I am the grave of 
	it.

2nd Dumaine	He hath perverted a young gentlewoman here in Florence, of 
	a most chaste renown, and this night he fleshes his will in 
	the spoil of her honour: he hath given her his monumental 
	ring, and thinks himself made in the unchaste composition.

1st Dumaine	Now, God delay our rebellion! As we are ourselves, what 
	things are we!

2nd Dumaine	Merely our own traitors: and as in the common course of all 
	treasons we still see them reveal themselves till they 
	attain to their abhorred ends, so he that in this action 
	contrives against his own nobility, in his proper stream 
	o'erflows himself.

1st Dumaine	Is it not meant damnable in us to be trumpeters of our 
	unlawful intents? We shall not then have his company 
	tonight?

2nd Dumaine	Not till after midnight, for he is dieted to his hour.

1st Dumaine	That approaches apace. I would gladly have him see his 
	company anatomized, that he might take a measure of his own 
	judgments wherein so curiously he had set this counterfeit.

2nd Dumaine	We will not meddle with him till he come, for his presence 
	must be the whip of the other.

1st Dumaine	In the meantime, what hear you of these wars?

2nd Dumaine	I hear there is an overture of peace.

1st Dumaine	Nay, I assure you, a peace concluded.

2nd Dumaine	What will Count Rousillon do then? Will he travel higher, 
	or return again into France?

1st Dumaine	I perceive by this demand you are not altogether of his 
	council.

2nd Dumaine	Let it be forbid, sir; so should I be a great deal of his 
	act.

1st Dumaine	Sir, his wife some two months since fled from his house: 
	her pretence is a pilgrimage to Saint Jaques le Grand; 
	which holy undertaking with most austere sanctimony she 
	accomplished, and, there residing, the tenderness of her 
	nature became as a prey to her grief; in fine, made a groan 
	of her last breath, and now she sings in heaven.

2nd Dumaine	How is this justified?

1st Dumaine	The stronger part of it by her own letters, which makes her 
	story true even to the point of her death. Her death 
	itself, which could not be her office to say is come, was 
	faithfully confirmed by the rector of the place.

2nd Dumaine	Hath the count all this intelligence?

1st Dumaine	Ay, and the particular confirmations, point from point, to 
	the full arming of the verity.

2nd Dumaine	I am heartily sorry that he'll be glad of this.

1st Dumaine	How mightily sometimes we make us comforts of our losses!

2nd Dumaine	And how mightily some other times we drown our gain in 
	tears! The great dignity that his valour hath here acquired 
	for him shall at home be encountered with a shame as ample.

1st Dumaine	The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and ill 
	together. Our virtues would be proud if our faults whipped 
	them not, and our crimes would despair if they were not 
	cherished by our virtues.

                            Enter a MESSENGER.

	How now! Where's your master?

Servant	He met the duke in the street, sir, of whom he hath taken a 
	solemn leave: his lordship will next morning for France. 
	The duke hath offered him letters of commendations to the 
	king.

2nd Dumaine	They shall be no more than needful there, if they were more 
	than they can commend.

                              Enter BERTRAM.

1st Dumaine	They cannot be too sweet for the king's tartness. Here's 
	his lordship now. How now, my lord! Is't not after 
	midnight?

Bertram	I have tonight dispatched sixteen businesses, a month's 
	length apiece. By an abstract of success: I have congied 
	with the duke, done my adieu with his nearest, buried a 
	wife, mourned for her, writ to my lady mother I am 
	returning, entertained my convoy, and between these main 
	parcels of dispatch effected many nicer needs; the last was 
	the greatest, but that I have not ended yet.

2nd Dumaine	If the business be of any difficulty, and this morning your 
	departure hence, it requires haste of your lordship.

Bertram	I mean, the business is not ended, as fearing to hear of it 
	hereafter. But shall we have this dialogue between the fool 
	and the soldier? Come, bring forth this counterfeit model, 
	he's deceived me like a double-meaning prophesier.

2nd Dumaine	Bring him forth.
												[Exeunt SOLDIERS.
	H'as sat i'th' stocks all night, poor gallant knave.

Bertram	No matter; his heels have deserved it in usurping his spurs 
	so long. How does he carry himself?

2nd Dumaine	I have told your lordship already, the stocks carry him. 
	But to answer you as you would be understood: he weeps like 
	a wench that had shed her milk. He hath confessed himself 
	to Morgan, whom he supposes to be a friar, from the time of 
	his remembrance to this very instant disaster of his 
	setting i'th' stocks. And what think you he hath confessed?

Bertram	Nothing of me, has a'?

2nd Dumaine	His confession is taken, and it shall be read to his face: 
	if your lordship be in't, as I believe you are, you must 
	have the patience to hear it.

 Enter PAROLLES, blindfold and guarded, with 1st SOLDIER as interpreter.

Bertram	A plague upon him! Muffled! He can say nothing of me.

1st Dumaine	[Aside to BERTRAM.] Hush, hush, Hoodman comes!
	[Aloud.] Portotartarossa.

1st Soldier	He calls for the tortures. What will you say without 'em?

Parolles	I will confess what I know without constraint. If ye pinch 
	me like a pasty I can say no more.

1st Soldier	Bosko chimurcho.

1st Dumaine	Boblibindo chicurmurco.

1st Soldier	You are a merciful general. Our general bids you answer to 
	what I shall ask you out of a note.

Parolles	And truly, as I hope to live.

1st Soldier	[Reads.]	'First, demand of him how many horse the duke is 
	strong.'

	What say you to that?

Parolles	Five or six thousand, but very weak and unserviceable. The 
	troops are all scattered and the commanders very poor 
	rogues, upon my reputation and credit, and as I hope to 
	live.

1st Soldier	Shall I set down your answer so?

Parolles	Do, I'll take the sacrament on't, how and which way you 
	will.

Bertram	[Aside.] All's one to him. What a past-saving slave is 
	this!

1st Dumaine	[Aside.] You're deceived, my lord. This is Monsieur 
	Parolles, the gallant militarist - that was his own phrase 
	- that had the whole theoric of war in the knot of his 
	scarf, and the practice in the chape of his dagger.

2nd Dumaine	[Aside.] I will never trust a man again for keeping his 
	sword clean, nor believe he can have everything in him by 
	wearing his apparel neatly.

1st Soldier	Well, that's set down.

Parolles	'Five or six thousand horse' I said - I will say true - 'or 
	thereabouts' set down, for I'll speak truth.

1st Dumaine	[Aside.] He's very near the truth in this.

Bertram	[Aside.] But I con him no thanks for't, in the nature he 
	delivers it.

Parolles	'Poor rogues' I pray you say.

1st Soldier	Well, that's set down.

Parolles	I humbly thank you, sir. A truth's a truth: the rogues are 
	marvellous poor.

1st Soldier	[Reads.]	'Demand of him of what strength they are a-foot.'

	What say you to that?

Parolles	By my troth, sir, if I were to live this present hour, I 
	will tell true. Let me see: Spurio, a hundred and fifty; 
	Sebastian, so many; Corambus, so many; Jaques, so many; 
	Guiltian, Cosmo, Lodowick, and Gratii, two hundred fifty 
	each; mine own company, Chitopher, Vaumond, Bentii, two 
	hundred fifty each; so that the muster-file, rotten and 
	sound, upon my life, amounts not to fifteen thousand poll; 
	half of the which dare not shake the snow from off their 
	cassocks lest they shake themselves to pieces.

Bertram	[Aside.] What shall be done to him?

1st Dumaine	[Aside.] Nothing but let him have thanks. Demand of him my 
	condition, and what credit I have with the duke.

1st Soldier	Well, that's set down.

	[Reads.]	'You shall demand of him whether one Captain 
	Dumaine be i'th' camp, a Frenchman; what his reputation is 
	with the duke; what his valour, honesty and expertness in 
	wars; or whether he thinks it were not possible with well-
	weighing sums of gold to corrupt him to a revolt.'

	What say you to this? What do you know of it?

Parolles	I beseech you, let me answer to the particular of the 
	inter'gatories. Demand them singly.

1st Soldier	Do you know this Captain Dumaine?

Parolles	I know him: a' was a botcher's prentice in Paris, from 
	whence he was whipped for getting the shrieve's fool with 
	child - a dumb innocent that could not say him nay.

Bertram	[Aside.] Nay, by your leave, hold your hands; though I know 
	his brains are forfeit to the next tile that falls.

1st Soldier	Well, is this captain in the Duke of Florence's camp?

Parolles	Upon my knowledge he is, and lousy.

1st Dumaine	[Aside.] Nay, look not so upon me; we shall hear of your 
	lordship anon.

1st Soldier	What is his reputation with the duke?

Parolles	The duke knows him for no other but a poor officer of mine, 
	and writ to me this other day to turn him out o'th' band. I 
	think I have his letter in my pocket.

1st Soldier	Marry, we'll search.

Parolles	In good sadness, I do not know; either it is there, or it 
	is upon a file with the duke's other letters in my tent.

1st Soldier	Here 'tis, here's a paper. Shall I read it to you?

Parolles	I do not know if it be it or no.

Bertram	[Aside.] Our interpreter does it well.

1st Dumaine	[Aside.] Excellently.

1st Soldier	[Reads.] 'Dian, the count's a fool, and full of gold.'

Parolles	That is not the duke's letter, sir; that is an 
	advertisement to a proper maid in Florence, one Diana, to 
	take heed of the allurement of one Count Rousillon, a 
	foolish idle boy, but for all that very ruttish. I pray 
	you, sir, put it up again.

1st Soldier	Nay, I'll read it first by your favour.

Parolles	My meaning in't, I protest, was very honest in the behalf 
	of the maid; for I knew the young count to be a dangerous 
	and lascivious boy, who is a whale to virginity, and 
	devours up all the fry it finds.

Bertram	[Aside.] Damnable both-sides rogue!

1st Soldier	[Reads.]
	'When he swears oaths, bid him drop gold, and take it;
		After he scores he never pays the score.
	Half-won is match well made; match, and well make it;
		He ne'er pays after-debts; take it before.
	And say a soldier, Dian, told thee this:
	Men are to mell with, boys are not to kiss;
	For count of this, the count's a fool, I know it,
	Who pays before, but not when he does owe it.
			Thine, as he vowed to thee in thine ear,
										PAROLLES.

Bertram	[Aside.] He shall be whipped through the army, with this 
	rhyme in's forehead.

2nd Dumaine	[Aside.] This is your devoted friend, sir; the manifold 
	linguist and the armipotent soldier.

Bertram	[Aside.] I could endure anything before but a cat, and now 
	he's a cat to me.

1st Soldier	I perceive, sir, by the general's looks, we shall be fain 
	to hang you.

Parolles	My life, sir, in any case! Not that I am afraid to die, but 
	that, my offences being many, I would repent out the 
	remainder of nature. Let me live, sir, in a dungeon, i'th' 
	stocks, or anywhere, so I may live.

1st Soldier	We'll see what may be done, so you confess freely. 
	Therefore, once more to this Captain Dumaine: you have 
	answered to his reputation with the duke and to his valour; 
	what is his honesty?

Parolles	He will steal, sir, an egg out of a cloister; for rapes and 
	ravishments he parallels Nessus. He professes not keeping 
	of oaths; in breaking 'em he is stronger than Hercules. He 
	will lie, sir, with such volubility that you would think 
	truth were a fool. Drunkenness is his best virtue, for he 
	will be swine-drunk, and in his sleep he does little harm, 
	save to his bedclothes about him; but they know his 
	conditions and lay him in straw. I have but little more to 
	say, sir, of his honesty: he has everything that an honest 
	man should not have; what an honest man should have, he has 
	nothing.

1st Dumaine	[Aside.] I begin to love him for this.

Bertram	[Aside.] For this description of thine honesty? A pox upon 
	him! For me, he's more and more a cat.

1st Soldier	What say you to his expertness in war?

Parolles	Faith, sir, has led the drum before the English tragedians 
	- to belie him I will not - and more of his soldiership I 
	know not, except in that country he had the honour to be 
	the officer at a place there called Mile-end, to instruct 
	for the doubling of files. I would do the man what honour I 
	can, but of this I am not certain.

1st Dumaine	[Aside.] He hath outvillained villainy so far that the 
	rarity redeems him.

Bertram	[Aside.] A pox on him! He's a cat still.

1st Soldier	His qualities being at this poor price, I need not to ask 
	you if gold will corrupt him to revolt.

Parolles	Sir, for a cardecu he will sell the fee-simple of his 
	salvation, the inheritance of it, and cut th' entail from 
	all remainders, and a perpetual succession for it 
	perpetually.

1st Soldier	What's his brother, the other Captain Dumaine?

2nd Dumaine	[Aside.] Why does he ask him of me?

1st Soldier	What's he?

Parolles	E'en a crow o'th' same nest; not altogether so great as the 
	first in goodness, but greater a great deal in evil. He 
	excels his brother for a coward, yet his brother is reputed 
	one of the best that is. In a retreat he outruns any 
	lackey; marry, in coming on he has the cramp.

1st Soldier	If your life be saved, will you undertake to betray the 
	Florentine?

Parolles	Ay, and the captain of his horse, Count Rousillon.

1st Soldier	I'll whisper with the general and know his pleasure.

Parolles	[Aside.] I'll no more drumming. A plague of all drums! Only 
	to seem to deserve well, and to beguile the supposition of 
	that lascivious young boy, the count, have I run into this 
	danger. Yet who would have suspected an ambush where I was 
	taken?

1st Soldier	There is no remedy, sir, but you must die. The general says 
	you that have so traitorously discovered the secrets of 
	your army, and made such pestiferous reports of men very 
	nobly held, can serve the world for no honest use; 
	therefore you must die. Come, headsman, off with his head.

Parolles	O Lord, sir, let me live, or let me see my death!

1st Soldier	That shall you, and take your leave of all your friends.
												[Unmuffling him.
	So, look about you. Know you any here?

Bertram	Good morrow, noble captain.

2nd Dumaine	God bless you, Captain Parolles.

1st Dumaine	God save you, noble captain.

2nd Dumaine	Captain, what greeting will you to my Lord Lafeu? I am for 
	France.

1st Dumaine	Good captain, will you give me a copy of the sonnet you 
	writ to Diana in behalf of the Count Rousillon. An I were 
	not a very coward I'd compel it of you; but fare you well.
												[Exeunt BERTRAM and LORDS.

1st Soldier	You are undone, captain - all but your scarf; that has a 
	knot on't yet.

Parolles	Who cannot be crushed with a plot?

1st Soldier	If you could find out a country where but women were that 
	had received so much shame, you might begin an impudent 
	nation. Fare ye well, sir; I am for France too. We shall 
	speak of you there.
												[Exeunt SOLDIERS.

Parolles	Yet am I thankful. If my heart were great
	'Twould burst at this. Captain I'll be no more,
	But I will eat and drink and sleep as soft
	As captain shall. Simply the thing I am
	Shall make me live. Who knows himself a braggart,
	Let him fear this; for it will come to pass
	That every braggart shall be found an ass.
	Rust, sword; cool, blushes; and, Parolles, live
	Safest in shame; being fooled, by fool'ry thrive.
	There's place and means for every man alive.
	I'll after them.
												[Exit.
