A Room in Olivia's House.
 Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK, and FABIAN.

Sir Andrew	No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer.

Sir Toby	Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.

Fabian	You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.

Sir Andrew	Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the count's 
	servingman than ever she bestowed upon me. I saw't i'th 
	orchard.

Sir Toby	Did she see thee the while, old boy? - tell me that.

Sir Andrew	As plain as I see you now.

Fabian	This was a great argument of love in her toward you.

Sir Andrew	'Slight! - will you make an ass o' me?

Fabian	I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of judgment 
	and reason.

Sir Toby	And they have been grand-jurymen since before Noah was a 
	sailor.

Fabian	She did show favour to the youth in your sight only to 
	exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to put fire 
	in your heart, and brimstone in your liver. You should then 
	have accosted her, and with some excellent jests, fire-new 
	from the mint, you should have banged the youth into 
	dumbness. This was looked for at your hand, and this was 
	balked: the double gilt of this opportunity you let time 
	wash off, and you are now sailed into the north of my lady's 
	opinion, where you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman's 
	beard unless you do redeem it by some laudable attempt, 
	either of valour or policy.

Sir Andrew	An't be any way, it must be with valour, for policy I hate. 
	I had as lief be a Brownist as a politician.

Sir Toby	Why then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of valour. 
	Challenge me the count's youth to fight with him, hurt him 
	in eleven places. My niece shall take note of it; and assure 
	thyself, there is no love-broker in the world can more 
	prevail in man's commendation with woman than report of 
	valour.

Fabian	There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.

Sir Andrew	Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?

Sir Toby	Go, write it in a martial hand, be curst and brief: it is no 
	matter how witty so it be eloquent and full of invention. 
	Taunt him with the licence of ink. If thou thou'st him some 
	thrice, it shall not be amiss, and as many lies as will lie 
	in thy sheet of paper, although the sheet were big enough 
	for the bed of Ware in England, set 'em down. Go, about it. 
	Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou write with 
	a goose-pen, no matter. About it.

Sir Andrew	Where shall I find you?

Sir Toby	We'll call thee at the cubiculo. Go.
														[Exit SIR ANDREW.
Fabian	This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.

Sir Toby	I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand strong or 
	so.

Fabian	We shall have a rare letter from him; but you'll not 
	deliver't.

Sir Toby	Never trust me then; and by all means stir on the youth to 
	an answer. I think oxen and wainropes cannot hale them 
	together. For Andrew, if he were opened and you find so much 
	blood in his liver as will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat 
	the rest of th' anatomy.

Fabian	And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no great 
	presage of cruelty.

                               Enter MARIA.

Sir Toby	Look, where the youngest wren of nine comes.

Maria	If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves into 
	stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is turned heathen, a 
	very renegado; for there is no Christian that means to be 
	saved by believing rightly can ever believe such impossible 
	passages of grossness. He's in yellow stockings.

Sir Toby	And cross-gartered?

Maria	Most villainously, like a pedant that keeps a school i'th 
	church. I have dogged him like his murderer. He does obey 
	every point of the letter that I dropped to betray him: he 
	does smile his face into more lines than is in the new map 
	with the augmentation of the Indies. You have not seen such 
	a thing as 'tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things at him. 
	I know my lady will strike him. If she do, he'll smile and 
	take't for a great favour.

Sir Toby	Come bring us, bring us where he is.
														[Exeunt.
