A Prison.
 Enter the Constables,  DOGBERRY and VERGES, and the SEXTON, in gowns;
 and the WATCH, with BORACHIO and CONRAD.

Dogberry	Is our whole dissembly appeared?

Verges	O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.

Sexton	Which be the malefactors?

Dogberry	Marry, that am I and my partner.

Verges	Nay, that's certain, we have the exhibition to examine.

Sexton	But which are the offenders that are to be examined? Let them 
	come before Master Constable.

Dogberry	Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name, 
	friend?

Borachio	Borachio.

Dogberry	[To SEXTON.] Pray write down 'Borachio'.
	[To CONRAD.] Yours, sirrah?

Conrad	I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrad.

Dogberry	Write down 'Master gentleman Conrad'. Masters, do you serve 
	God?

Conrad &
Borachio	Yea, sir, we hope.

Dogberry	Write down that they hope they serve God; and write God first, 
	for God defend but God should go before such villains! 
	Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than 
	false knaves, and it will go near to be thought so shortly. 
	How answer you for yourselves?

Conrad	Marry, sir, we say we are none.

Dogberry	A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go about 
	with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear. Sir, I 
	say to you it is thought you are false knaves.

Borachio	Sir, I say to you we are none.

Dogberry	Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have 
	you writ down that they are none?

Sexton	Master Constable, you go not the way to examine. You must call 
	forth the watch that are their accusers.

Dogberry	Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch come forth. 
	Masters, I charge you in the prince's name, accuse these men.

1st Watch	This man said, sir, that Don John the Prince's brother was a 
	villain.

Dogberry	Write down 'Prince John a villain'. Why, this is flat perjury 
	to call a prince's brother villain.

Borachio	Master Constable=-=

Dogberry	Pray thee, fellow, peace; I do not like thy look, I promise 
	thee.

Sexton	What heard you him say else?

2nd Watch	Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John for 
	accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.

Dogberry	Flat burglary as ever was committed.

Verges	Yea, by mass, that it is.

Sexton	What else, fellow?

1st Watch	And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace 
	Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.

Dogberry	O villain! Thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption 
	for this.

Sexton	What else?

1st &
2nd Watch	This is all.

Sexton	And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is 
	this morning secretly stolen away; Hero was in this manner 
	accused, in this very manner refused, and upon the grief of 
	this suddenly died. Master Constable, let these men be bound 
	and brought to Leonato's. I will go before and show him their 
	examination.
													[Exit.
Dogberry	Come, let them be opinioned.

Verges	Let them be in the hands=-=

Conrad	Off, Coxcomb.

Dogberry	God's my life, where's the sexton? Let him write down 'the 
	prince's officer coxcomb'. Come, bind them. Thou naughty 
	varlet!

Conrad	Away! You are an ass, you are an ass.

Dogberry	Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my 
	years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, 
	masters, remember that I am an ass. Though it be not written 
	down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou 
	art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good 
	witness. I am a wise fellow; and, which is more, an officer; 
	and, which is more, a householder; and, which is more, as 
	pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that 
	knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a
	fellow that hath had losses; and one that hath two gowns, and 
	everything handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had 
	been writ down an ass!
													[Exeunt.
