A Street.
 Enter DOGBERRY and his compartner VERGES, with the WATCH.

Dogberry	Are you good men and true?

Verges	Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation, 
	body and soul.

Dogberry	Nay, that were a punishment too good for them if they should 
	have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the prince's 
	watch.

Verges	Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.

Dogberry	First, who think you the most desartless man to be constable?

1st Watch	Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacoal, for they can write and 
	read.

Dogberry	Come hither, neighbour Seacoal. God hath blest you with a good 
	name. To be a well-favoured man is the gift of fortune, but to 
	write and read comes by nature.

2nd Watch	Both which, Master Constable=-=

Dogberry	You have - I knew it would be your answer. Well, for your 
	favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make no boast of it; 
	and for your writing and reading, let that appear when there 
	is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to be the most 
	senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch; 
	therefore bear you the lantern. This is your charge: you shall 
	comprehend all vagrom men. You are to bid any man stand, in 
	the prince's name.

2nd Watch	How if a' will not stand?

Dogberry	Why, then take no note of him, but let him go, and presently 
	call the rest of the watch together, and thank God you are rid 
	of a knave.

Verges	If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of the 
	prince's subjects.

Dogberry	True, and they are to meddle with none but the prince's 
	subjects. You shall also make no noise in the streets; for for 
	the watch to babble and to talk is most tolerable, and not to 
	be endured.

2nd Watch	We will rather sleep than talk. We know what belongs to a 
	watch.

Dogberry	Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman, for I 
	cannot see how sleeping should offend. Only have a care that 
	your bills be not stolen. Well, you are to call at all the 
	alehouses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.

2nd Watch	How if they will not?

Dogberry	Why, then let them alone till they are sober. If they make you 
	not then the better answer, you may say they are not the men 
	you took them for.

2nd Watch	Well, sir.

Dogberry	If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your 
	office, to be no true man; and for such kind of men, the less 
	you meddle or make with them, why, the more is for your 
	honesty.

2nd Watch	If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him?

Dogberry	Truly, by your office you may, but I think they that touch 
	pitch will be defiled. The most peaceable way for you, if you 
	do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is, and 
	steal out of your company.

Verges	You have been always called a merciful man, partner.

Dogberry	Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man who 
	hath any honesty in him.

Verges	If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call to the 
	nurse and bid her still it.

2nd Watch	How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?

Dogberry	Why, then depart in peace and let the child wake her with 
	crying; for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baas 
	will never answer a calf when he bleats.

Verges	'Tis very true.

Dogberry	This is the end of the charge: [To 2nd WATCH.] you, constable, 
	are to present the prince's own person. If you meet the prince 
	in the night, you may stay him.

Verges	Nay, by'r-Lady, that I think a' cannot.

Dogberry	Five shillings to one on't, with any man that knows the 
	statutes, he may stay him. Marry, not without the prince be 
	willing, for indeed the watch ought to offend no man, and it 
	is an offence to stay a man against his will.

Verges	By'r-Lady, I think it be so.

Dogberry	Ha, ah ha! Well, masters, good night. An there be any matter 
	of weight chances, call up me. Keep your fellows' counsels and 
	your own, and good night. Come, neighbour.

2nd Watch	Well, masters, we hear our charge. Let us go sit here upon the 
	church bench till two, and then all to bed.

Dogberry	One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you watch about 
	Signor Leonato's door; for the wedding being there tomorrow, 
	there is a great coil tonight. Adieu. Be vigitant, I beseech 
	you.
									   [Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES.

                        Enter BORACHIO and CONRAD.

Borachio	What, Conrad!

2nd Watch	[Aside.] Peace! Stir not.

Borachio	Conrad, I say!

Conrad	Here, man; I am at thy elbow.

Borachio	Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought there would a scab 
	follow.

Conrad	I will owe thee an answer for that; and now forward with thy 
	tale.

Borachio	Stand thee close then under this penthouse, for it drizzles 
	rain, and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.

2nd Watch	[Aside.] Some treason, masters; yet stand close.

Borachio	Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats.

Conrad	Is it possible that any villainy should be so dear?

Borachio	Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any villainy 
	should be so rich; for when rich villains have need of poor 
	ones, poor ones may make what price they will.

Conrad	I wonder at it.

Borachio	That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that the fashion 
	of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man.

Conrad	Yes, it is apparel.

Borachio	I mean the fashion.

Conrad	Yes, the fashion is the fashion.

Borachio	Tush, I may as well say the fool's the fool. But seest thou 
	not what a deformed thief this fashion is?

2nd Watch	[Aside.] I know that Deformed. A' has been a vile thief this 
	seven year; a' goes up and down like a gentleman. I remember 
	his name.

Borachio	Didst thou not hear somebody?

Conrad	No, 'twas the vane on the house.

Borachio	Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this fashion is; 
	how giddily he turns about all the hot bloods between fourteen 
	and five-and-thirty, sometimes fashioning them like Pharaoh's 
	soldiers in the reechy painting, sometime like god Bel's 
	priests in the old church window, sometime like the shaven 
	Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten tapestry, where his 
	codpiece seems as massy as his club?

Conrad	All this I see, and I see that the fashion wears out more 
	apparel than the man. But art not thou thyself giddy with the 
	fashion too, that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into 
	telling me of the fashion?

Borachio	Not so, neither. But know that I have tonight wooed Margaret, 
	the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the name of Hero. She leans me 
	out at her mistress' chamber window, bids me a thousand times 
	good night - I tell this tale vilely - I should first tell 
	thee how the prince, Claudio, and my master, planted and 
	placed and possessed by my master Don John, saw afar off in 
	the orchard this amiable encounter.

Conrad	And thought they Margaret was Hero?

Borachio	Two of them did, the prince and Claudio, but the devil my 
	master knew she was Margaret; and, partly by his oaths, which 
	first possessed them, partly by the dark night, which did 
	deceive them, but chiefly by my villainy, which did confirm 
	any slander that Don John had made, away went Claudio enraged, 
	swore he would meet her as he was appointed next morning at 
	the temple, and there, before the whole congregation, shame 
	her with what he saw o'er night, and send her home again 
	without a husband.

2nd Watch	[Advancing.] We charge you in the prince's name, stand!

1st Watch	Call up the right Master Constable. We have here recovered the 
	most dangerous piece of lechery that ever was known in the 
	commonwealth.

2nd Watch	And one Deformed is one of them. I know him, a' wears a lock.

Conrad	Masters, masters!

1st Watch	You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant you.

Conrad	Masters=-=

2nd Watch	Never speak; we charge you, let us obey you to go with us.

Borachio	We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken up of 
	these men's bills.

Conrad	A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you.
													[Exeunt.
