Leonato's Garden.
 Enter BENEDICK, alone.

Benedick	Boy!
                                Enter BOY.

Boy	Signor?

Benedick	In my chamber window lies a book. Bring it hither to me in the 
	orchard.

Boy	I am here already, sir.

Benedick	I know that, but I would have thee hence and here again.
													[Exit BOY.
	I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much another man is 
	a fool when he dedicates his behaviours to love, will, after 
	he hath laughed at such shallow follies in others, become the 
	argument of his own scorn by falling in love: and such a man 
	is Claudio. I have known when there was no music with him but 
	the drum and the fife, and now had he rather hear the tabor 
	and the pipe. I have known when he would have walked ten mile 
	afoot to see a good armour, and now will he lie ten nights 
	awake carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to 
	speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest man and a 
	soldier, and now is he turned orthography; his words are a 
	very fantastical banquet - just so many strange dishes. May I 
	be so converted and see with these eyes? I cannot tell; I 
	think not. I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an 
	oyster; but I'll take my oath on it, till he have made an 
	oyster of me he shall never make me such a fool. One woman is 
	fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am well; another 
	virtuous, yet I am well; but till all graces be in one woman, 
	one woman shall not come in my grace. Rich she shall be, 
	that's certain; wise, or I'll none; virtuous, or I'll never 
	cheapen her; fair, or I'll never look on her; mild, or come 
	not near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good discourse, 
	an excellent musician, and her hair shall be of what colour it 
	please God. Ha, the prince and Monsieur Love! I will hide me 
	in the arbour.
													[Stands aside.

                  Enter DON PEDRO, LEONATO, and CLAUDIO.

Don Pedro	Come, shall we hear this music?

Claudio	Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is,
	As hushed on purpose to grace harmony!

Don Pedro	See you where Benedick hath hid himself?

Claudio	O, very well, my lord. The music ended,
	We'll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth.

                     Enter BALTHASAR with MUSICIANS.

Don Pedro	Come, Balthasar, we'll hear that song again.

Balthasar	O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice
	To slander music any more than once.

Don Pedro	It is the witness still of excellency
	To put a strange face on his own perfection.
	I pray thee sing, and let me woo no more.

Balthasar	Because you talk of wooing I will sing,
	Since many a wooer doth commence his suit
	To her he thinks not worthy, yet he woos,
	Yet will he swear he loves.

Don Pedro								Nay, pray thee come;
	Or if thou wilt hold longer argument,
	Do it in notes.

Balthasar						Note this before my notes:
	There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting.

Don Pedro	Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks.
	Note notes, forsooth, and nothing!
													[Music.

Benedick	[Aside.] Now, divine air! Now is his soul ravished! Is it not 
	strange that sheep's guts should hale souls out of men's 
	bodies? Well, a horn for my money, when all's done.

Balthasar	[Sings.]	Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
				Men were deceivers ever;
			One foot in sea, and one on shore,
				To one thing constant never.
			Then sigh not so, but let them go,
				And be you blithe and bonny,
			Converting all your sounds of woe
				Into hey nonny, nonny.

			Sing no more ditties, sing no more
				Of dumps so dull and heavy;
			The fraud of men was ever so,
				Since summer first was leavy.
			Then sigh not so, but let them go,
				And be you blithe and bonny,
			Converting all your sounds of woe
				Into hey nonny, nonny.

Don Pedro	By my troth, a good song.

Balthasar	And an ill singer, my lord.

Don Pedro	Ha, no, no, faith; thou sing'st well enough for a shift.

Benedick	[Aside.] An he had been a dog that should have howled thus, 
	they would have hanged him; and I pray God his bad voice bode 
	no mischief. I had as lief have heard the night-raven, come 
	what plague could have come after it.

Don Pedro	Yea, marry, dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray thee, get us 
	some excellent music, for tomorrow night we would have it at 
	the Lady Hero's chamber window.

Balthasar	The best I can, my lord.

Don Pedro	Do so. Farewell.
									[Exit BALTHASAR with MUSICIANS.
	Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of today? - that 
	your niece Beatrice was in love with Signor Benedick?

Claudio	O, ay. [Aside to DON PEDRO.] Stalk on, stalk on; the fowl 
	sits. [Aloud.] I did never think that lady would have loved 
	any man.

Leonato	No, nor I neither, but most wonderful that she should so dote 
	on Signor Benedick, whom she hath in all outward behaviours 
	seemed ever to abhor.

Benedick	[Aside.] Is't possible? Sits the wind in that corner?

Leonato	By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think of it but 
	that she loves him with an enraged affection, it is past the 
	infinite of thought.

Don Pedro	Maybe she doth but counterfeit.

Claudio	Faith, like enough.

Leonato	O God, counterfeit? There was never counterfeit of passion 
	came so near the life of passion as she discovers it.

Don Pedro	Why, what effects of passion shows she?

Claudio	[Aside to DON PEDRO.] Bait the hook well, this fish will bite.

Leonato	What effects, my lord? She will sit you - you heard my 
	daughter tell you how.

Claudio	She did indeed.

Don Pedro	How, how, I pray you? You amaze me. I would have thought her 
	spirit had been invincible against all assaults of affection.

Leonato	I would have sworn it had, my lord, especially against 
	Benedick.

Benedick	[Aside.] I should think this a gull but that the white-bearded 
	fellow speaks it. Knavery cannot sure hide himself in such 
	reverence.

Claudio	[Aside to DON PEDRO.] He hath ta'en th' infection; hold it up.

Don Pedro	Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?

Leonato	No, and swears she never will; that's her torment.

Claudio	'Tis true indeed; so your daughter says. 'Shall I' says she 
	'that have so oft encountered him with scorn, write to him 
	that I love him?'

Leonato	This says she now when she is beginning to write to him; for 
	she'll be up twenty times a night, and there will she sit in 
	her smock till she have writ a sheet of paper. My daughter 
	tells us all.

Claudio	Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a pretty jest 
	your daughter told us of.

Leonato	O, when she had writ it, and was reading it over, she found 
	'Benedick' and 'Beatrice' between the sheet?

Claudio	That.

Leonato	O, she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence, railed at 
	herself that she should be so immodest to write to one that 
	she knew would flout her. 'I measure him' says she 'by my own 
	spirit; for I should flout him if he writ to me. Yea, though I 
	love him, I should.'

Claudio	Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, beats her 
	heart, tears her hair, prays, curses 'O sweet Benedick! God 
	give me patience!'

Leonato	She doth indeed; my daughter says so; and the ecstasy hath so 
	much overborne her that my daughter is sometime afeard she 
	will do a desperate outrage to herself. It is very true.

Don Pedro	It were good that Benedick knew of it by some other, if she 
	will not discover it.

Claudio	To what end? He would make but a sport of it, and torment the 
	poor lady worse.

Don Pedro	An he should, it were an alms to hang him. She's an excellent 
	sweet lady, and, out of all suspicion, she is virtuous.

Claudio	And she is exceeding wise.

Don Pedro	In everything but in loving Benedick.

Leonato	O, my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so tender a body, we 
	have ten proofs to one that blood hath the victory. I am sorry 
	for her, as I have just cause, being her uncle and her 
	guardian.

Don Pedro	I would she had bestowed this dotage on me; I would have 
	daffed all other respects and made her half myself. I pray you 
	tell Benedick of it, and hear what a' will say.

Leonato	Were it good, think you?

Claudio	Hero thinks surely she will die; for she says she will die if 
	he love her not; and she will die ere she make her love known; 
	and she will die if he woo her, rather than she will bate one 
	breath of her accustomed crossness.

Don Pedro	She doth well. If she should make tender of her love, 'tis 
	very possible he'll scorn it; for the man, as you know all, 
	hath a contemptible spirit.

Claudio	He is a very proper man.

Don Pedro	He hath indeed a good outward happiness.

Claudio	Before God, and, in my mind, very wise.

Don Pedro	He doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit.

Claudio	And I take him to be valiant.

Don Pedro	As Hector, I assure you; and in the managing of quarrels you 
	may say he is wise, for either he avoids them with great 
	discretion, or undertakes them with a most Christianlike fear.

Leonato	If he do fear God, a' must necessarily keep peace; if he break 
	the peace, he ought to enter into a quarrel with fear and 
	trembling.

Don Pedro	And so will he do; for the man doth fear God howsoever it 
	seems not in him by some large jests he will make. Well, I am 
	sorry for your niece. Shall we go seek Benedick and tell him 
	of her love?

Claudio	Never tell him, my lord; let her wear it out with good 
	counsel.

Leonato	Nay, that's impossible; she may wear her heart out first.

Don Pedro	Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter; let it cool 
	the while. I love Benedick well, and I could wish he would 
	modestly examine himself, to see how much he is unworthy so 
	good a lady.

Leonato	My lord, will you walk? Dinner is ready.

Claudio	[Aside.] If he do not dote on her upon this, I will never 
	trust my expectation.

Don Pedro	[Aside.] Let there be the same net spread for her; and that 
	must your daughter and her gentlewomen carry. The sport will 
	be when they hold one an opinion of another's dotage, and no 
	such matter. That's the scene that I would see, which will be 
	merely a dumb show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner.
						   [Exeunt DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO.

Benedick	[Advancing.] This can be no trick; the conference was sadly 
	borne. They have the truth of this from Hero. They seem to 
	pity the lady; it seems her affections have their full bent. 
	Love me? Why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured: 
	they say I will bear myself proudly if I perceive the love 
	come from her; they say too that she will rather die than give 
	any sign of affection. I did never think to marry. I must not 
	seem proud; happy are they that hear their detractions and can 
	put them to mending. They say the lady is fair - 'tis a truth, 
	I can bear them witness; and virtuous - 'tis so, I cannot 
	reprove it; and wise but for loving me - by my troth, it is no 
	addition to her wit, nor no great argument of her folly, for I 
	will be horribly in love with her. I may chance have some odd 
	quirks and remnants of wit broken on me because I have railed 
	so long against marriage; but doth not the appetite alter? A 
	man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his 
	age. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the 
	brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No, the world 
	must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not 
	think I should live till I were married. Here comes Beatrice. 
	By this day, she's a fair lady! I do spy some marks of love in 
	her.

                             Enter BEATRICE.

Beatrice	Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.

Benedick	Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.

Beatrice	I took no more pains for those thanks than you take pains to 
	thank me. If it had been painful, I would not have come.

Benedick	You take pleasure then in the message?

Beatrice	Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's point, and 
	choke a daw withal. You have no stomach, signor? - fare you 
	well.
													[Exit.

Benedick	Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner' - 
	there's a double meaning in that. 'I took no more pains for 
	those thanks than you took pains to thank me' - that's as much
	as to say 'Any pains that I take for you is as easy as 
	thanks'. If I do not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do 
	not love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her picture.
													[Exit.
