Before 'The Phoenix'.
 Enter LUCIANA with ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.

Luciana	And may it be that you have quite forgot
		A husband's office? Shall, Antipholus,
	Even in the spring of love thy love-springs rot?
		Shall love in building grow so ruinous?
	If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
		Then for her wealth's sake use her with more kindness;
	Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth,
		Muffle your false love with some show of blindness.
	Let not my sister read it in your eye;
		Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator:
	Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty.
		Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger,
	Bear a fair presence though your heart be tainted,
		Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint,
	Be secret false. What need she be acquainted?
		What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
	'Tis double wrong to truant with your bed
		And let her read it in thy looks at board.
	Shame hath a bastard fame, well managd;
		Ill deeds is doubled with an evil word.
	Alas, poor women, make us but believe-
		Being compact of credit - that you love us;
	Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;
		We in your motion turn, and you may move us.
	Then, gentle brother, get you in again;
		Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife.
	'Tis holy sport to be a little vain
		When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Sweet mistress, what your name is else I know not,
		Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine.
	Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
		Than our earth's wonder, more than earth divine.
	Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak;
		Lay open to my earthy gross conceit,
	Smothered in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
		The folded meaning of your words' deceit.
	Against my soul's pure truth why labour you
		To make it wander in an unknown field?
	Are you a god? - Would you create me new?
		Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield.
	But if that I am I, then well I know
		Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
	Nor to her bed no homage do I owe;
		Far more, far more to you do I decline.
	O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note
		To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears;
	Sing, siren, for thyself, and I will dote;
		Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs,
	And as a bed I'll take thee, and there lie,
		And in that glorious supposition think
	He gains by death that hath such means to die.
		Let love, being light, be drownd if she sink.

Luciana	What, are you mad that you do reason so?

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Not mad, but mated - how, I do not know.

Luciana	It is a fault that springeth from your eye.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.

Luciana	Gaze where you should, and that will clear your sight.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.

Luciana	Why call you me love? Call my sister so.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Thy sister's sister.

Luciana						That's my sister.

Antipholus
of Syracuse										No,
	It is thyself, mine own self's better part,
	Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart,
	My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope's aim,
	My sole earth's heaven, and my heaven's claim.

Luciana	All this my sister is, or else should be.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Call thyself sister, sweet, for I am thee.
	Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life:
	Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife;
	Give me thy hand.

Luciana						O, soft, sir, hold you still;
	I'll fetch my sister to get her good will.
												[Exit.

                        Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Why, how now Dromio, where runn'st thou so fast?

Dromio
of Syracuse	Do you know me sir? Am I Dromio? Am I your man? Am I 
	myself?

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.

Dromio
of Syracuse	I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and besides myself.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	What woman's man? And how besides thyself?

Dromio
of Syracuse	Marry, sir, besides myself I am due to a woman: one that 
	claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	What claim lays she to thee?

Dromio
of Syracuse	Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay to your horse; and 
	she would have me as a beast - not that, I being a beast, 
	she would have me, but that she, being a very beastly 
	creature, lays claim to me.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	What is she?

Dromio
of Syracuse	A very reverend body; ay, such a one as a man may not speak 
	of without he say 'sir-reverence'. I have but lean luck in 
	the match, and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	How dost thou mean, a fat marriage?

Dromio
of Syracuse	Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench, and all grease; and I 
	know not what use to put her to but to make a lamp of her, 
	and run from her by her own light. I warrant her rags and 
	the tallow in them will burn a Poland winter; if she lives 
	till doomsday she'll burn a week longer than the whole 
	world.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	What complexion is she of?

Dromio
of Syracuse	Swart like my shoe, but her face nothing like so clean 
	kept; for why? - she sweats a man may go over shoes in the 
	grime of it.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	That's a fault that water will mend.

Dromio
of Syracuse	No sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	What's her name?

Dromio
of Syracuse	Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters - that's an ell 
	and three quarters - will not measure her from hip to hip.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Then she bears some breadth?

Dromio
of Syracuse	No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip; she is 
	spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	In what part of her body stands Ireland?

Dromio
of Syracuse	Marry, sir, in her buttocks. I found it out by the bogs.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Where Scotland?

Dromio
of Syracuse	I found it by the barrenness, hard in the palm of the hand.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Where France?

Dromio
of Syracuse	In her forehead, armed and reverted, making war against her 
	heir.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Where England?

Dromio
of Syracuse	I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no 
	whiteness in them. But I guess it stood in her chin, by the 
	salt rheum that ran between France and it.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Where Spain?

Dromio
of Syracuse	Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot in her breath.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Where America, the Indies?

Dromio
of Syracuse	O, sir, upon her nose, all o'er embellished with rubies, 
	carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the 
	hot breath of Spain, who sent whole armadoes of carracks to 
	be ballast at her nose.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?

Dromio
of Syracuse	O, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this drudge or 
	diviner laid claim to me, called me Dromio, swore I was 
	assured to her, told me what I privy marks I had about me, 
	as the mark of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great 
	wart on my left arm, that I, amazed, ran from her as a 
	witch.
	And I think if my breast had not been made of faith, and my
	heart of steel,
	She had transformed me to a curtal dog, and made me turn
	i'th' wheel.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Go, hie thee presently; post to the road.
	An if the wind blow any way from shore
	I will not harbour in this town tonight.
	If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
	Where I will walk till thou return to me.
	If everyone knows us and we know none,
	'Tis time I think to trudge, pack, and be gone.

Dromio
of Syracuse	As from a bear a man would run for life,
	So fly I from her that would be my wife.
												[Exit.
Antipholus
of Syracuse	There's none but witches do inhabit here,
	And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence.
	She that doth call me husband, even my soul
	Doth for a wife abhor; but her fair sister,
	Possessed with such a gentle sovereign grace,
	Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
	Hath almost made me traitor to myself.
	But lest myself be guilty to self-wrong,
	I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song.

                      Enter ANGELO, with the chain.

Angelo	Master Antipholus.

Antipholus
of Syracuse						Ay, that's my name.

Angelo	I know it well, sir. Lo, here's the chain.
	I thought to have ta'en you at the Porpentine;
	The chain unfinished made me stay thus long.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	What is your will that I shall do with this?

Angelo	What please yourself, sir; I have made it for you.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.

Angelo	Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.
	Go home with it, and please your wife withal,
	And soon at suppertime I'll visit you,
	And then receive my money for the chain.

Antipholus
of Syracuse	I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
	For fear you ne'er see chain nor money more.

Angelo	You are a merry man, sir. Fare you well.
												[Exit.
Antipholus
of Syracuse	What I should think of this I cannot tell;
	But this I think: there's no man is so vain
	That would refuse so fair an offered chain.
	I see a man here needs not live by shifts,
	When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
	I'll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay;
	If any ship put out, then straight away.
												[Exit.
