Before 'The Phoenix'
 Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, his man DROMIO, ANGELO the goldsmith,
 and BALTHASAR the merchant.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	Good signor Angelo, you must excuse us all;
	My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours.
	Say that I lingered with you at your shop
	To see the making of her carcanet,
	And that tomorrow you will bring it home.
	But here's a villain that would face me down
	He met me on the mart and that I beat him,
	And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
	And that I did deny my wife and house.
	Thou drunkard, thou! - What didst thou mean by this?

Dromio
of Ephesus	Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know.
	That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to show;
	If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave were ink,
	Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	I think thou art an ass.

Dromio
of Ephesus							Marry, so it doth appear
	By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
	I should kick, being kicked, and, being at that pass,
	You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.
Antipholus
of Ephesus	You're sad, signor Balthasar. Pray God our cheer
	May answer my good will, and your good welcome here.

Balthasar	I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	O, signor Balthasar, either at flesh or fish
	A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.

Balthasar	Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	And welcome more common, for that's nothing but words.

Balthasar	Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest.
	But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
	Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
	But soft, my door is locked. Go bid them let us in.

Dromio
of Ephesus	Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn!

                    Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, within.

Dromio
of Syracuse	Mome, malthorse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch,
	Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch.
	Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such
	store,
	When one is too many? Go, get thee from the door.

Dromio
of Ephesus	What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the
	street.

Dromio
of Syracuse	Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on's
	feet.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	Who talks within there? Ho! Open the door!

Dromio
of Syracuse	Right, sir, I'll tell you when an you'll tell me wherefore.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	Wherefore? For my dinner; I have not dined today.

Dromio
of Syracuse	Nor today here you must not. Come again when you may.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	What art thou that keep'st me out from the house I owe?

Dromio
of Syracuse	The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.

Dromio
of Ephesus	O, villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my name:
	The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
	If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,
	Thou wouldst have changed thy face for an aim, or thy name
	for an ass.

                            Enter LUCE within.

Luce	What coil is there, Dromio! Who are those at the gate?

Dromio
of Ephesus	Let my master in, Luce.

Luce							Faith, no, he comes too late;
	And so tell your master.

Dromio
of Ephesus								O lord, I must laugh.
	Have at you with a proverb: - 'Shall I set in my staff?'

Luce	Have at you with another, that's - 'When? Can you tell?'

Dromio
of Syracuse	If thy name be called Luce, Luce, thou hast answered him
	well.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	Do you hear, you minion, you'll let us in I trow?

Luce	I thought to have asked you.

Dromio
of Syracuse									And you said no.

Dromio
of Ephesus	So come, help. Well struck! There was blow for blow.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	Thou baggage, let me in.

Luce							Can you tell for whose sake?

Dromio
of Ephesus	Master, knock the door hard.

Luce								Let him knock till it ache.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.

Luce	What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?

                          Enter ADRIANA, within.

Adriana	Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?

Dromio
of Syracuse	By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	Are you there, wife? You might have come before.

Adriana	Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door.

Dromio
of Ephesus	If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.

Angelo	Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would fain have
	either.

Balthasar	In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.

Dromio
of Ephesus	They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.

Dromio
of Ephesus	You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.
	Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in the cold:
	It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	Go fetch me something. I'll break ope the gate.

Dromio
of Syracuse	Break any breaking here, and I'll break your knave's pate.

Dromio
of Ephesus	A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but
	wind;
	Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.

Dromio
of Syracuse	It seems thou want'st breaking. Out upon thee, hind!

Dromio
of Ephesus	Here's too much 'Out upon thee'. I pray thee let me in.

Dromio
of Syracuse	Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	Well, I'll break in. Go, borrow me a crow.

Dromio
of Ephesus	A crow without feather; master, mean you so?
	For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather;
	If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow.

Balthasar	Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so!
	Herein you war against your reputation,
	And draw within the compass of suspect
	Th' unviolated honour of your wife.
	Once this - your long experience of her wisdom,
	Her sober virtue, years, and modesty,
	Plead on her part some cause to you unknown;
	And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
	Why at this time the doors are made against you.
	Be ruled by me, depart in patience,
	And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
	And about evening come yourself alone
	To know the reason of this strange restraint.
	If by strong hand you offer to break in
	Now in the stirring passage of the day,
	A vulgar comment will be made of it,
	And that supposd by the common rout
	Against your yet ungalld estimation,
	That may with foul intrusion enter in
	And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
	For slander lives upon succession,
	For e'er housed where it gets possession.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	You have prevailed; I will depart in quiet,
	And in despite of mirth mean to be merry.
	I know a wench of excellent discourse,
	Pretty and witty, wild, and yet, too, gentle;
	There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
	My wife - but, I protest, without desert-
	Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal.
	To her will we to dinner. [To ANGELO.] Get you home
	And fetch the chain: by this I know 'tis made.
	Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine,
	For there's the house. That chain will I bestow,
	Be it for nothing but to spite my wife,
	Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste.
	Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
	I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.

Angelo	I'll meet you at that place some hour hence.

Antipholus
of Ephesus	Do so; this jest shall cost me some expense.
												[Exeunt.
