Milan. A Room in the Duke's Palace.
 Enter VALENTINE and SPEED.

Speed	Sir, your glove.

Valentine					Not mine; my gloves are on.

Speed	Why, then this may be yours, for this is but one.

Valentine	Ha! Let me see. Ay, give it me, it's mine.
	Sweet ornament, that decks a thing divine.
	Ah, Silvia, Silvia!

Speed	[Calling.] Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!

Valentine	How now, sirrah?

Speed	She is not within hearing, sir.

Valentine	Why, sir, who bade you call her?

Speed	Your worship, sir, or else I mistook.

Valentine	Well, you'll still be too forward.

Speed	And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.

Valentine	Go to, sir; tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?

Speed	She that your worship loves?

Valentine	Why, how know you that I am in love?

Speed	Marry, by these special marks: first, you have learned, 
	like Sir Proteus, to wreathe your arms like a malcontent; 
	to relish a love-song like a robin redbreast; to walk alone 
	like one that had the pestilence; to sigh like a schoolboy 
	that had lost his ABC; to weep like a young wench that had 
	buried her grandam; to fast like one that takes diet; to 
	watch like one that fears robbing; to speak puling like a 
	beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laughed, to 
	crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the 
	lions; when you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when 
	you looked sadly, it was for want of money. And now you are 
	metamorphosed with a mistress, that when I look on you, I 
	can hardly think you my master.

Valentine	Are all these things perceived in me?

Speed	They are all perceived without ye.

Valentine	Without me? They cannot.

Speed	Without you? Nay, that's certain, for without you were so 
	simple, none else would. But you are so without these 
	follies that these follies are within you, and shine 
	through you like the water in a urinal, that not an eye 
	that sees you but is a physician to comment on your malady.

Valentine	But tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia?

Speed	She that you gaze on so as she sits at supper?

Valentine	Hast thou observed that? Even she, I mean.

Speed	Why, sir, I know her not.

Valentine	Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet know'st her 
	not?

Speed	Is she not hard-favoured, sir?

Valentine	Not so fair, boy, as well-favoured.

Speed	Sir, I know that well enough.

Valentine	What dost thou know?

Speed	That she is not so fair as, of you, well-favoured.

Valentine	I mean that her beauty is exquisite but her favour 
	infinite.

Speed	That's because the one is painted and the other out of all 
	count.

Valentine	How painted? And how out of count?

Speed	Marry, sir, so painted to make her fair that no man counts 
	of her beauty.

Valentine	How esteem'st thou me? I account of her beauty.

Speed	You never saw her since she was deformed.

Valentine	How long hath she been deformed?

Speed	Ever since you loved her.

Valentine	I have loved her ever since I saw her, and still I see her 
	beautiful.

Speed	If you love her you cannot see her.

Valentine	Why?

Speed	Because Love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes, or your 
	own eyes had the lights they were wont to have when you 
	chid at Sir Proteus for going ungartered.

Valentine	What should I see then?

Speed	Your own present folly and her passing deformity; for he, 
	being in love, could not see to garter his hose; and you, 
	being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.

Valentine	Belike, boy, then you are in love, for last morning you 
	could not see to wipe my shoes.

Speed	True, sir; I was in love with my bed. I thank you, you 
	swinged me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide 
	you for yours.

Valentine	In conclusion, I stand affected to her.

Speed	I would you were set, so your affection would cease.

Valentine	Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to one she 
	loves.

Speed	And have you?

Valentine	I have.

Speed	Are they not lamely writ?

Valentine	No, boy, but as well as I can do them.

                              Enter SILVIA.

	Peace, here she comes.

Speed	[Aside.] O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet! Now will 
	he interpret to her.

Valentine	Madam and mistress, a thousand good morrows.

Speed	[Aside.] O, give ye good e'en! Here's a million of manners.

Silvia	Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.

Speed	[Aside.] He should give her interest, and she gives it him.

Valentine	As you enjoined me, I have writ your letter
	Unto the secret, nameless friend of yours,
	Which I was much unwilling to proceed in
	But for my duty to your ladyship.
												[Giving her a letter.

Silvia	I thank you, gentle servant. 'Tis very clerkly done.

Valentine	Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off,
	For, being ignorant to whom it goes,
	I writ at random, very doubtfully.

Silvia	Perchance you think too much of so much pains?

Valentine	No, madam; so it stead you I will write,
	Please you command, a thousand times as much.
	And yet-

Silvia	A pretty period. Well, I guess the sequel;
	And yet I will not name it; and yet I care not.
	And yet, take this again. And yet I thank you,
	Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.

Speed	[Aside.] And yet you will, and yet another 'yet'.

Valentine	What means your ladyship? Do you not like it?

Silvia	Yes, yes; the lines are very quaintly writ,
	But, since unwillingly, take them again.
	Nay, take them.

Valentine	[Returning the letter.] Madam, they are for you.

Silvia	Ay, ay; you writ them, sir, at my request,
	But I will none of them. They are for you;
	I would have had them writ more movingly.

Valentine	Please you, I'll write your ladyship another.

Silvia	And when it's writ, for my sake read it over,
	And if it please you, so; if not, why, so.

Valentine	If it please me, madam, what then?

Silvia	Why, if it please you, take it for your labour.
	And so good morrow, servant.
												[Exit.
Speed	O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible
	As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple!
	My master sues to her, and she hath taught her suitor,
	He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
	O excellent device! Was there ever heard a better?
	That my master, being scribe, to himself should write the
	letter?

Valentine	How now, sir; what are you reasoning with yourself?

Speed	Nay, I was rhyming; 'tis you that have the reason.

Valentine	To do what?

Speed	To be a spokesman from Madam Silvia.

Valentine	To whom?

Speed	To yourself. Why, she woos you by a figure.

Valentine	What figure?

Speed	By a letter, I should say.

Valentine	Why, she hath not writ to me.

Speed	What need she, when she hath made you write to yourself? 
	Why, do you not perceive the jest?

Valentine	No, believe me.

Speed	No believing you, indeed, sir. But did you perceive her 
	earnest?

Valentine	She gave me none, except an angry word.

Speed	Why, she hath given you a letter.

Valentine	That's the letter I writ to her friend.

Speed	And that letter hath she delivered, and there an end.

Valentine	I would it were no worse.

Speed	I'll warrant you, 'tis as well.
	For often have you writ to her, and she, in modesty,
	Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply,
	Or fearing else some messenger that might her mind
	discover,
	Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her
	lover.
	All this I speak in print, for in print I found it.
	Why muse you, sir? 'Tis dinner-time.

Valentine	I have dined.

Speed	Ay, but hearken, sir: though the chameleon Love can feed on 
	the air, I am one that am nourished by my victuals, and
	would fain have meat. O, be not like your mistress, be 
	moved, be moved.
												[Exeunt.
