Rochester. An Inn yard.
 Enter a CARRIER with a lantern in his hand.

1st Carrier	Heigh-ho! An it be not four by the day, I'll be hanged. 
	Charles' Wain is over the new chimney, and yet our horse 
	not packed. What, ostler!

Ostler	[Within.] Anon, anon.

1st Carrier	I prithee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a few flocks in the 
	point; poor jade is wrung in the withers out of all cess.

                          Enter another CARRIER.

2nd Carrier	Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that is the 
	next way to give poor jades the bots. This house is turned 
	upside down since Robin Ostler died.

1st Carrier	Poor fellow never joyed since the price of oats rose - it 
	was the death of him.

2nd Carrier	I think this be the most villainous house in all London 
	road for fleas; I am stung like a tench.

1st Carrier	Like a tench? By the mass, there is ne'er a king christen 
	could be better bit than I have been since the first cock.

2nd Carrier	Why, they will allow us ne'er a jordan, and then we leak 
	in your chimney, and your chamber-lye breeds fleas like a 
	loach.

1st Carrier	What, ostler! Come away and be hanged, come away!

2nd Carrier	I have a gammon of bacon and two razes of ginger to be 
	delivered as far as Charing Cross.

1st Carrier	Godsbody! The turkeys in my pannier are quite starved. 
	What, ostler! A plague on thee! Hast thou never an eye in 
	thy head? Canst not hear? And 'twere not as good deed as 
	drink to break the pate on thee, I am a very villain. 
	Come, and be hanged! Hast no faith in thee?

                             Enter GADSHILL.

Gadshill	Good morrow, carriers, what's o'clock?

1st Carrier	I think it be two o'clock.

Gadshill	I prithee lend me thy lantern to see my gelding in the 
	stable.

1st Carrier	Nay, by God, soft! I know a trick worth two of that, 
	i'faith.

Gadshill	[To 2nd CARRIER.] I pray thee lend me thine.

2nd Carrier	Ay, when? Canst tell? Lend me thy lantern, quoth he! 
	Marry, I'll see thee hanged first.

Gadshill	Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?

2nd Carrier	Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant thee. 
	Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up the gentlemen; they 
	will along with company, for they have great charge.
												[Exeunt CARRIERS.

Gadshill	What ho, Chamberlain!

                            Enter CHAMBERLAIN.

Chamberlain	"At hand, quoth pick-purse."

Gadshill	That's even as fair as "At hand, quoth the chamberlain"; 
	for thou variest no more from picking of purses than 
	giving direction doth from labouring: thou layst the plot 
	how.

Chamberlain	Good morrow, master Gadshill. It holds current that I told 
	you yesternight: there's a franklin in the Wild of Kent 
	hath brought three hundred marks with him in gold. I heard 
	him tell it to one of his company last night at supper - a 
	kind of auditor, one that hath abundance of charge too, 
	God knows what. They are up already, and call for eggs and 
	butter. They will away presently.

Gadshill	Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas' clerks, I'll 
	give thee this neck.

Chamberlain	No, I'll none of it; I pray thee keep that for the 
	hangman, for I know thou worshippest Saint Nicholas as 
	truly as a man of falsehood may.

Gadshill	What talkest thou to me of the hangman? If I hang I'll 
	make a fat pair of gallows; for, if I hang, old Sir John 
	hangs with me, and thou knowest he is no starveling. Tut, 
	there are other Trojans that thou dream'st not of, the 
	which for sport sake are content to do the profession some 
	grace, that would, if matters should be looked into, for 
	their own credit sake make all whole. I am joined with no 
	foot-landrakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers, none of 
	these mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms, but with 
	nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and great oneyers, 
	such as can hold in, such as will strike sooner than 
	speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than 
	pray; and yet, zounds, I lie, for they pray continually to 
	their saint, the commonwealth, or, rather, not pray to 
	her, but prey on her, for they ride up and down on her and 
	make her their boots.

Chamberlain	What, the commonwealth their boots? Will she hold out 
	water in foul way?

Gadshill	She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We steal as 
	in a castle, cocksure. We have the receipt of fern-seed, 
	we walk invisible.

Chamberlain	Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to the 
	night than to fern-seed for your walking invisible.

Gadshill	Give me thy hand; thou shalt have a share in our purchase, 
	as I am a true man.

Chamberlain	Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief.

Gadshill	Go to; homo is a common name to all men. Bid the ostler
	bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell, you muddy 
	knave.
												[Exeunt.
